It’s been a long time since the last time I published. It never felt like a good time to write, thanks to my executive dysfunction, rejection sensitivity and overall dissatisfaction about life.
I graduated almost two months ago and I am unemployed ever since. I was applying jobs since October. Getting rejections from most of the places and getting ghosted from others was hard, but it wasn’t the hardest part. With every apply, I felt more vunrable and powerless. With every job apply, I was losing more hope. I started drifting. Since I was already burnt out from trying to graduate, I didn’t have much energy and this process took what was left. Left alone being productive, I was finding it hard to apply jobs or even taking my meds.
Eveyone around me kept giving advise to end my misery: just keep applying, keep you head high, learn something new… Even though I knew that they meant good, I knew all these. The problem was that I couldn’t do anything despite the fact that I wanted to. I couldn’t play games or watch the series I couldn’t because of the exams. I couldn’t learn or be productive in any way or form. Writing this is one of my many attemps of being productive.
I am still in a dark place but I believe I’m seeing the light. A few of the many job applies started to return. I have one or two interviews next week. I started tutoring again and I already found a student. I started to get out from the bed at a reasonable hour and I started wearing jeans instead PJs in a long time. I’m afraid to make a mistake by accepting an offer too soon or accepting the wrong offer but right now, I only hope to keep the jeans.
But why am I writing about this? Because professional life is hard even for the neurotypical people and this world is designed for them. For us, neurodiverse folks, it is even harder. My unique ADHD experience includes Rejection Sensitive Dysmorphia and Executive Dysfunction. This is one of many stories about how it makes my life harder and lower my life satisfaction. A lot of people, neurodiverse or not, experience these problems too. And I want to show that you are not alone. I cannot give advice about anything because all I know is my own specific case and experience, but I will still try to compose a list of things that my doctors’ advised or the habits that work for me. When I do, I’ll put the link here.
If you have any questions or comments you can reach me through my twitter, reddit or email.
Discalimer: As always, I’m not a mental health professional. I am just a young woman with a late diagnosis. I am sharing my experience and the knowledge I have gotten from my doctors. Still, I urge you do your own research from reliable sources.
If you think you might have ADHD, you can do a self screening test from here. I have found this after searching for a trustable ADHD chart. This is not a diagnostic test, but if you have a higher score, please think about seeing a professional.
PS: We are not ‘quirky’ or ‘energic’. This is a life-threatening disorder. Untreated ADHD can shorten the life expextancy up to 24 years. People with untreated ADHD have a significantly higher risk of death by accidents.